"If you have no confidence in self, you are defeated twice in life."
- Marcus Garvey
Self esteem basically means confidence in one's worth or abilities or self respect that people have. Now, the main problem occurs when people are lacking it and in today's world teens or the youth of our global universe are the ones who lack it the most. "I am worthless or I can't do anything." Lines like these make people continuously doubt their abilities to do something. .
Now, I don't want you folks to confuse it with lack of confidence at times. This is not the problem. The main muddle raises when people view themselves differently to how others view them. This can be especially hard when you are a teen and you lack any confidence to make any friends or other relationships.
Positive self esteem helps one to try new things and diverse their skill set. It helps them in learning and their development will be productive and this will help them in setting up a healthy and positive future. People or in this case youth with high self esteem are generally trying to be independent and mature, they tend to take pride in their accomplishments, they accept their frustration and they know how to deal with it to demolish this feeling, they are enthusiastic over trying new things and they help others whenever possible.
When someone has low self-esteem they tend to avoid situations where they think there’s risk of failure, embarrassment or making mistakes. These can involve school work, making friends, and trying new activities, which are all important parts of a healthy teenage life. If this situation is not identified in the early stages it can lead to many muddles in life. These muddles include relationship troubles or difficulty in making friends, negative moods such as feeling sad, anxious, ashamed or angry, low motivation in doing anything new, earlier sexual activity and drinking alcohol and/or taking drugs to feel better.
How one feel about themselves is because of the experiences they have faced. The most common causes of low self esteem among teens are because of unsupportive parents, carers or others that play an influential role in their life, friends who are bad influences, stressful life events such as divorce or moving houses, trauma or abuse, poor performance at school or unrealistic goals, mood disorders such as depression, anxiety, bullying or loneliness and ongoing medical issues.
A teen with low self-esteem will more than likely be having negative thoughts about their worth and value as a person. This signs mostly includes avoiding new things and not taking up opportunities, feeling unloved and unwanted, blaming others for their own mistakes, not being able to deal with normal levels of frustration, negative self-talk and comparisons to others, fear of failure or embarrassment, difficulty making friends, low levels of motivation and interest and one who can’t take compliments and shows mixed feelings of anxiety or stress.
One should never forget the following words:
" I am who I am with all my flaws and all my mistakes."
-BTS, UN
With this increased importance placed on appearance, we need to equally worry about the epidemic of poor body image. A survey by Glamour Magazine found that 97 percent of women questioned had an “I hate my body” thought on an average day. Other studies have shown that young men are increasingly experiencing similar critical attitudes and pressures regarding their looks. People of all ages are struggling daily with mean, self-shaming thoughts about their appearance, but according to psychologists like Dr. Lisa Firestone, co-author of Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, “People’s views of their bodies are not only cruel but inaccurate.”
"You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens."
-Louisa Hay
It’s that nagging voice that whispers in our ear when we’re getting dressed, “You’re too fat to wear that. Just cover up.” It’s also that loud scream that shouts, “You’re hideous. No one will ever be attracted to you!” In order to overcome these destructive attitudes and live in peaceful harmony with our bodies, we have to do two things: 1. Evict that “critical inner voice” that takes over our perceptions and 2. Practice self-compassion.
Now we have to learn where these thoughts comes in our minds about our appearance. Society sends us their mostly unwanted opinions about how we are supposed to look. One study of girls as young as 5-8 years old found that “girls appear to already live in a culture in which peers and the media transmit the thin ideal in a way that negatively influences the development of body image and self-esteem.” These cultural messages can injure our self-esteem, but it’s what we do with these messages in our own minds that creates a cycle of self-shaming thoughts or even behaviors. It’s also this very pattern of thinking that we can challenge by taking on our critical inner voice.
Negative early familial experiences greatly shape our self-perception In fact, it’s these early events that originally form our critical inner voice. “Early experiences that we never imagined would have impacted our way of seeing ourselves remain the sources for inaccurate self-criticism throughout our lives,” said Dr. Firestone. “People who face issues of low self-esteem can trace them to feelings of humiliation, rejection, or disappointment they suffered in childhood. When young children search for the reasons and explanations for these feelings, they often look within themselves rather than finding fault with an adult whom they are dependent on. One of the easiest places for them to lay the blame is on their physical appearance.”
It’s important to get ahold of when your voice is creeping in and what it’s telling you. Think about the specific messages. What emotions do they stir up? Do they remind you of any event or person from your past? Where might they may come from originally? Remember to not let this inner voice of yours trigger your feelings. Don't forget to love your body because you only have one. Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.
BY: PRAGYA SHARMA
OXFORD SENIOR SECONDARY SCHOOL